Is it ok I like older guys, as in 2-3 years older, while I’m 14? I have always liked older guys and it seems older guys are the one’s that notice me, (no, I don’t ask them to notice me). Is this ok?
It’s natural for girls to like older boys – it’s exciting to think that we’re mature enough for someone a couple of years older to be interested! And, once we’re adults, the two to three years isn’t such a big deal. But, for now, I suggest proceeding with extreme caution. Think about the age you ideally want to be when you get married – if you want to get married when you’re 24, then you have ten years before your wedding day. If you start dating right now, that’s ten years of temptation in your face before you say “I Do.” It is extremely difficult to date for an extended period of time and remain pure.
In addition to that, we change and grow so much from the time we’re 14 until we’re 20. We’ll continue to change throughout our entire lives, but our teens and early 20s are a time we’re really learning who we are and what we want out of life. Chances are, the person you want to date now is not the person you’re going to want to date when you’re in your 20s and ready to get married, because you’ll both be completely different people than you are today. This means that dating now will likely lead to heart- ache, because you’ll eventually break up. Even if you don’t break up, you’re setting yourself for unnecessary temptation. If you wait a few years to date each other, you’ll both have had time to nurture a good friendship together without the sexual temptation that comes in a dating relationship.
At 14, you’re likely just coming out of middle school, while a 17-year-old boy can drive and is thinking about graduation. Even if you think you’re on the same maturity level, he has more life experiences, and often when an older boy wants to date a younger girl (until adulthood is reached), his intentions are not pure, whether he’ll admit it or not.
Even though you don’t verbally ask older boys to notice you, think about your attitude. Are you seeking them out and flirting a little, hoping they’ll notice you? Are you dressing older than your age, trying to get their attention? Even if you don’t go up to an older guy and say, “Hey, will you notice me?” your attitude and dress may very well be demanding their attention!
Dating at a young age may be the cool thing to do, but it’s generally not the most godly, whether dating someone a few years older or the exact same age. Why set yourself up for temptation when you could be having carefree fun with your friends instead, without the heartache?
I hope that before entering any relationship, and throughout the entire relationship, you strongly seek God’s guidance by studying His Word and praying. It’s tempting to want a relationship in order to find happiness, but remember that there is “Glory in His holy name; Let the heart of those who seek the LORD be glad” (1 Chronicles 16:10). Seek Him first, and your heart will be glad, whether there’s another guy in your life or not.
- Davonne Parks