Dating: Liking Older Guys

Extra14Is it ok I like older guys, as in 2-3 years older, while I’m 14? I have always liked older guys and it seems older guys are the one’s that notice me, (no, I don’t ask them to notice me). Is this ok?
- EMMMeRs

It’s natural for girls to like older boys – it’s exciting to think that we’re mature enough for someone a couple of years older to be interested! And, once we’re adults, the two to three years isn’t such a big deal. But, for now, I suggest proceeding with extreme caution. Think about the age you ideally want to be when you get married – if you want to get married when you’re 24, then you have ten years before your wedding day. If you start dating right now, that’s ten years of temptation in your face before you say “I Do.” It is extremely difficult to date for an extended period of time and remain pure.

In addition to that, we change and grow so much from the time we’re 14 until we’re 20. We’ll continue to change throughout our entire lives, but our teens and early 20s are a time we’re really learning who we are and what we want out of life. Chances are, the person you want to date now is not the person you’re going to want to date when you’re in your 20s and ready to get married, because you’ll both be completely different people than you are today. This means that dating now will likely lead to heart- ache, because you’ll eventually break up. Even if you don’t break up, you’re setting yourself for unnecessary temptation. If you wait a few years to date each other, you’ll both have had time to nurture a good friendship together without the sexual temptation that comes in a dating relationship.

At 14, you’re likely just coming out of middle school, while a 17-year-old boy can drive and is thinking about graduation. Even if you think you’re on the same maturity level, he has more life experiences, and often when an older boy wants to date a younger girl (until adulthood is reached), his intentions are not pure, whether he’ll admit it or not.

Even though you don’t verbally ask older boys to notice you, think about your attitude. Are you seeking them out and flirting a little, hoping they’ll notice you? Are you dressing older than your age, trying to get their attention? Even if you don’t go up to an older guy and say, “Hey, will you notice me?” your attitude and dress may very well be demanding their attention!

dating2Dating at a young age may be the cool thing to do, but it’s generally not the most godly, whether dating someone a few years older or the exact same age. Why set yourself up for temptation when you could be having carefree fun with your friends instead, without the heartache?

I hope that before entering any relationship, and throughout the entire relationship, you strongly seek God’s guidance by studying His Word and praying. It’s tempting to want a relationship in order to find happiness, but remember that there is “Glory in His holy name; Let the heart of those who seek the LORD be glad” (1 Chronicles 16:10). Seek Him first, and your heart will be glad, whether there’s another guy in your life or not.

- Davonne Parks

Comments

  1. Great reply Davonne! I’ll admit, it is a hard thing to do when you’re 14, 15, 16 . . to keep your mind focused whole-heartedly on God. But when it is, it’s the best thing in the world! Like you said, it is so tempting to want a relationship when you’re this age (and sometimes we tend to try to justify that by saying that God created us to enjoy being around the opposite sex), but I honestly believe that this time in our lives is best used creating strong Christian relationships with our brothers, and helping them stay pure as we all focus on God together! That way, you can have lots of good, pure friendships with boys who are trying to stay pure in God’s sight, and help you stay pure as well! When we get older, then God will help us decide which type of man is best for us, if it’s His will. The best advice I feel that I can give to another girl my age, is to build a stronger relationship with God. Talk to Him about everything! Be excited to tell Him how your day went; thank Him for opportunities you had to help or teach others, or thank Him for the beautiful weather. Lots of Scriptures in the Psalms talk about how “God is my delight” or “I hope in Him” . . focus on letting HIM brighten your day and take full joy in living for and having a relationship with your heavenly Father. :) Try not feel like you absolutely need a boy to make you happy…because we don’t! God is PERFECTLY all we really need. :) And, later on (if He wills) He’ll allow us to meet the man for us! :)

  2. I was satisfied with the answer to my question, origanally posted on Teen-beauty-Tips.com. The thing that most grabbed at me was when Davonne said “if you want to get married when yr 24″ 10 years! i never put it that way, and that is a good marrying age-not saying that i’ll get married then- but i have this time in my life open to serve my Lord, and be FULLY committed to Him. I hear that alot, but i know it’s true. Thanx 4 the advice and sisterly guidance Davonne and Hannah!! Love, a sis in Christ- EMMMeRs.

  3. Very good advice! Wise counsel.

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