“I feel like I am so in love with my boyfriend, but my parents question that. How do I know that what I feel is love?”
Love is a deep word. However, it is often used too casually and carelessly. You have probably heard the phrase “Love at first sight,” but I don’t believe that concept. Love takes work—a lot of work. Sometimes you may not feel very loving toward someone, even though you know you love them. But love is not just about feelings; it is an act involving effort, and a demonstration of selflessness.
When I first met the girl who would become my wife, “love at first sight” was not the case for me. Sure, I was infatuated with her, but I didn’t really know her, so how could I say that I really loved her? Being compatible with someone doesn’t mean that your relationship will result in love. I remember the main reason I wanted to marry her was because I was ready to settle down and work at our relationship, and because she made me a better person and encouraged and strengthened my relationship with God. My infatuation was not the deciding factor; my determination to work at the relationship and be selfless was. And by this point, I knew that I did love my wife. I love my wife more today than I did nine years ago when we met. Real, godly love does not stop growing. There are many examples of couples who have been married 50 years or more and when one dies, the other dies only weeks later. That person became so much a vital part of them that they couldn’t last without them.
When dating, you should be looking for a relationship in which there are biblical qualities of love. It just so happens that there is an entire chapter in the Bible that lists these qualities—1 Corinthians 13.
Ask yourself this question, and be honest: Do you have all these qualities of love for your boyfriend, or are you striving to improve your relationship with these qualities?
Patience: Are you often in a hurry to say your piece? Do you get impatient when he doesn’t call when he says he will?
Kind: Do you make an effort to encourage and build up your boyfriend?
Does not envy: Do you get jealous if he spends his time with other friends, or talks to another girl?
Does not boast: Do you lift yourself up, and in the process put him down?
Is not proud: Do you consider yourself better than him, or less of a sinner?
Is not rude: Do you do things to build him up, or do you embarrass him in front of others?
Is not self-seeking: Do you think of yourself first in the relationship, or do you put his wants and needs before your own? Does he do the same with you?
Is not easily angered: Do you anger easily at trivial things that he says or does?
Does not keep a record of wrongs: Do you keep track of little things he does or doesn’t do to upset you? Do you remind him of these things to make him feel guilty?
Does not delight in evil: Do you participate in ungodly activities with him? Does he encourage you to do things that are against biblical principles?
Always protects: Do you try to protect his heart from hurt, and him from the consequences of sinful choices?
Always trusts: Is he someone you can trust? Can he trust you?
Always hopes: Do you have a hope for a godly, lifelong relationship with him?
Always perseveres: Are you willing to work at your relationship to make it one that is pleasing to God?
Remember, our love and obedience for God is the most important and the most effective love to strive for. If you love God and have His directions foremost in your heart, then you can know that your love for other people is genuine.
If you have a question you’d like a guy’s opinion about, please let us know!
By Adam Grimenstein
a guy from my church recently gave me a note, and in it he said that he loved me and all that sort of stuff, and now he is always telling me that he loves me. i’m only 13 and I’ve never had this happen before and i don’t know how to handel it. i don’t want to hurt him but i know that i don’t feel the same way about him, and i am starting to get teased about him and all that junk. please reply to this i don’t know what to do.