Pre-marital Sex

As with many moral dilemmas in our society, sex before marriage is becoming more and more acceptable. It seems as though we are bombarded with the issues of sex at a younger and younger age. Unfortunately, that means that as Christians, our choice to abstain from sex until marriage is no longer popular.

I know sex is a very touchy subject for many people. Teenagers are scared and curious. Some of you probably want to talk about it, but aren’t sure how. I think the biblical answer is simple and straightforward: The only way that sex is not a sin is when it is inside a marriage. “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Yet our country has a huge problem (and not just with teenagers) of sex outside of marriage.

The first reason many teenagers give for excusing sex is that the two love each other and will be together eventually anyway. My first response to that is that if you are going to be together anyway, why not wait? Having sex because you believe you are in love is not a reason for sex. What happens once you have sex and then one of you goes off to college, or you break up and date other people? You are left feeling used and betrayed. If you are in love and are going to be together, you can wait until the commitment of marriage has been made before having sex. God does not withhold sex from single people to make them miserable. He understands the emotional baggage and physical regrets that we may face.

I know most of you have heard this a hundred times: if he loves you, he will wait. It took me a long time to believe that. As teenage girls, we feel a lot of pressure from friends and boyfriends to have sex. Sometimes it gets to the point where you believe that if you have sex with him, he will love you. But, I promise you, it is just the opposite. You do not have to prove your love by having sex with him. And if he believes or says that he will love you more after you’ve had sex, he has a wrong and unbiblical idea of love.

Contrary to many teenagers’ beliefs, there is no mysterious club you join once you have had sex. It does not make you more mature, it does not make you wiser. In actuality, by choosing to have sex before marriage you open yourself up to a lot of pain and disappointment.

Pre-marital sex opens the door to various problems, including sexually transmitted diseases that even protection cannot protect you from. There are risks of pregnancy, AIDS, HIV, Chlamydia, and many others that can affect your future relationships as well as your health and ability to have children. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.” Your only protection is abstinence.

It seems as though in our society more and more teenage girls get pregnant. And while I am not saying this should be acceptable, they are many times judged at school by girls who are doing the same thing, but just have not gotten caught. I will never forget the first time I personally knew someone who got pregnant. My best friend found out at the beginning of our senior year that she was pregnant. Many people called her names and judged her because of this. Yet, later in the day you would hear them talking about doing the same act that got her in that situation. Does avoiding pregnancy make having sex okay? NO. The pregnancy is not the sin. The act of pre-marital sex is.

I know the damage pre-marital sex can cause all too well. As hard as it is for me to talk about, I have been there. I had pre-marital sex. Because of that, I contracted something called HPV. It is a virus that causes cervical cancer. (Although there is now a vaccine, they did not have that out when this happened to me.) When I was 18, the doctor found pre-cancerous cells on my ovaries and cervix. After several procedures to remove those cells, I was told I could never have children. I will never forget that day. I was too afraid to tell my parents, especially my mom. How could I ever have let this happen to me? I thought protection meant I was protected. Not so. There is NO protection that protects 100 percent––except abstinence. I sat and cried for days. I knew now my future was nothing. Who would want to ever marry me? I could not have babies and I had not saved myself for my husband. I could easily sit and blame my bad decisions on lack of self-esteem and wanting to be liked. But I take full responsibility for what I did. I asked God to forgive me for my actions and I learned to forgive myself.

Although God blessed me and my husband with a child, I will never forget that my bad decisions could have taken that away from me. I know it was only by the grace of God that I was granted a second chance at becoming a mom. I realize, though, that God knew what the future could hold for me. But, in my rush to grow up, I didn’t take into consideration the damage I was doing to myself and my body.

I only hope that my story will help some of you to make better decisions than I made. If you are having sex before marriage, I strongly urge you to reconsider your decision. Just because you have had sex before with someone does not mean you have to continue that aspect of your relationship. On the other hand, if you talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and he wishes to continue the physical aspect of the relationship anyway, than this is a relationship that you have to end. Remember that while this may be someone you love and want to be with, if that person loved you back, they would respect your feelings and God’s commands. If you know someone who may be in a relationship like this, talk to them about it. Explain that pressure and self-esteem are not reasons to have sex. Most importantly, if you or someone you know needs to be tested and/or have a health screening, know that there are places you can go to get help. County health departments can treat you, and your treatment can be confidential. Don’t think that because you made a mistake, you have to go untreated. The first step in changing your present is letting go of your past.

By Sarah J. Ancheta