Boyfriend Study

Do soul mates exist? What does the Bible say about love? Is there just one perfect person for everyone? How can I find someone who’s right for me?

Let’s study His Word together to find out!

Soul Mates: Fact or Fiction?

What exactly is a soul mate? Some people have different definitions for soul mates, but for the sake of this article, we’ll define a soul mate as this: An individual who is perfect for another person. Without their other half, neither one would be complete.

What does the Bible say about soul mates? Let’s look it up. Open your Bible and look in the concordance in the back of the Bible for “soul mate.” Now turn to…wait, what, you can’t find it? You won’t. There is no term “soul mate” in the Bible.

If the Bible doesn’t talk about soul mates, then where did the idea come from? The concept of soul mates derived from Greek mythology. In Greek mythology, it is believed that humans originally had four arms, four legs, and a single head made of two faces. The god Zeus was afraid humans would become stronger than him and overcome him, so he split everyone in half. Doing this would make the humans spend their lives searching for their other half so they could become one complete person together. Since they would be concentrating on finding their other half, they would forget about their desire to overcome Zeus, and he wouldn’t lose his place as the most powerful Greek god.

Is it just me, or does that sound bizarre? There’s a reason Greek mythology has the word “mythology” in it––it’s a myth!. It’s not true and it didn’t really happen! I choose not to base my beliefs on a myth. I choose what to believe based on fact; so when I want to know the truth about something, I turn to the Bible for answers.

Love: Feeling or Action?

If the idea of soul mates isn’t a Biblical concept, then what does the Bible say about love? First Corinthians 13:4-8a is one of the most well known sections about love in the Bible. “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” Read that again. Does any of it sound like, “Love is looking for the one person to complete you so you will have a perfect life” or “Love is when your Prince Charming comes and sweeps you off your feet with a bouquet of your favorite flowers”? Those things don’t sound like the Biblical description of love to me!

What else does the Bible say about love? Genesis 29:18, 20 gives an example of love in action. “Now Jacob loved Rachel, so he said [to Rachel’s father], ‘I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.’ So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.” Jacob loved Rachel so much that he served her father for seven full years just so he could marry her.

Is that all? If you read verses 21-30 you’ll find that Rachel’s father, Laban, tricked Jacob. It was their custom that the oldest daughter should marry before the younger daughters, so Laban gave Leah to him on their wedding day instead of Rachel. Jacob didn’t find out that he’d been tricked until the next morning. What did he do? Did Jacob divorce Leah and run off with Rachel? No. He went to her father and said he’d work another seven years if he could marry Rachel! It was customary in this time for men to have multiple wives, so he ended up marrying both of Laban’s daughters, serving Laban for a total of fourteen years because he loved Rachel so much. Now, that’s commitment!

So what about the feeling of love? The Bible talks about loving God with all of our heart (Mark 12:30), but there are no verses in the Bible that talk about love and marriage being about a fuzzy, warm feeling in the pit of our stomachs. According to the Bible, love is about commitment, putting the other person first, and dedication.

Does this mean we shouldn’t have romantic feelings toward other people? Not at all! In Song of Solomon, there are many examples of how enamored King Solomon and his wife were for each other. The romantic part is fun, but it’s just a very small portion of a much bigger picture.

Are you saying that one person can’t be completely perfect for one other person? In order for two people to be absolutely perfect for each other, they’d first have to be absolutely perfect. Since nobody is perfect, nobody can possibly be completely perfect for another human being.

Relationships: Perfection or Compatibility?

But there’s someone who’s perfect for me, right? Someone who completes me? Absolutely. Read Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” God gives us peace, and He alone can fill the void in our hearts. If we rely on a person to do that, we will always be disappointed. We need to become a complete person ourselves, and have God as the center of our lives before we can ever be completely happy with someone else. I repeat: relying on another person for our complete happiness will only end in disappointment. Only God, through Christ, can complete us.

If there is no such thing as a soul mate, if love isn’t all about the romance, and if only God can complete us, then why even have a relationship with another person? We are told in Genesis 1:26-28 that we were created in the image of God, and are to reproduce, or multiply, after we’re married. Genesis 2:18-24 explains that we are to be helpers to our husband.  We are also to respect them, and husbands are to cherish and love their wives. Ephesians 5:33: “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”

Apply It

Does this actually work in real life? Yes. Problems arise in my marriage if I do not help my husband with what he needs, or if I do not respect a decision he makes. Problems also happen if he chooses to make a decision that does not put the good of the family before his own desires. Nobody is perfect, so these things will occasionally happen in most marriages, but if those poor attitudes were to become a common occurrence, we would both be very unhappy together! God knew this, which is why He told us to help and respect our husbands, and it’s why He told husbands to love their wives. God doesn’t tell us to do things for fun; He tells us for our own protection.

Does this mean that it doesn’t matter who I marry since there’s no such thing as a soul mate? Absolutely not. I was once told to marry someone with whom I could do more for Christ together than either of us could do alone. That is the biggest thing I looked for in a potential spouse! We need to choose to marry someone who we will be able to help and respect, and who will love us. We should choose to marry someone with whom we can work to accomplish worthwhile goals, and who we can also have fun with. I suggest writing a list of what’s important to you. Your list may be completely different from everyone else’s list, and that’s okay. The first and most important item on your list should be that he’s a genuine, faithful Christian, but other than that, the list is up to you!

How long do I have to wait to find this type of person? That answer is different for everyone. Just learn to be complete in God and serve Him, be confident with who you are, develop your own personality, and love life today! God knows when you will be ready, and He’ll send someone who fits what you need when His time is right. It may be tomorrow, or it may be several years from now. Just concentrate on being Miss Wonderfully-Made-By-God, and before you know it, Mr. Right will cross your path and ask you to become his Mrs. Right. Just make sure that, together, you’re both right with God.

Davonne Parks

Davonne Parks

Comments

  1. Great article! I found it in my mailbox this afternoon; it was very helpful in reminding me that only God can truly fill our lives, but that in a spouse, I need to look for someone who can help me live and work for Christ, and someone I can help, too. thanks 🙂

  2. I think the media gives many girls the impression that their Prince Charming will come along any day, sweep them off their feet, and live happily ever after. In reality, all good relationships are hard work and take a lot of time and effort to nurture. This article has a very realistic take on such an imagined topic. Great job!

  3. Sharran Farr says:

    Wow, this is an amazing article. I mean the whole time i was blindsided, i was waiting for my prince charming or either my soul mate. I thank God for this article because it helped me a whole lot. Now i can put things in perspective and just wait on the lord.

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